Sometimes, when you strike out on a venture, it's as important to know what you're not doing, as it is to know what you are, in fact, aiming to do.
To be clear, just as I've seen time and time again with my #ActuallyAutistic family, I am not here to prescribe, nor proscribe, anyone's spectrum journey, nor to speak to their struggles, triumphs, or struggles.
We are not an amorphous mass of \"neurodivergence\", and, in fact, I resile from that very term every time I see it.
I mean, what, in fact, are we meant to be diverging from – well, being \"neurotypical\", of course – but this is another term I resile from. No one, not a single person who has ever lived, can be considered, in my view, \"-typical\" when it comes to the \"neuro-\".
\"Neurodominant\" or \"neuropersuasive\" might, for some traits, apply, but the combination of individual traits leads to true individuality.
But how does this practically work for those of us considered by NTs to be \"neurodivergent\"?
A sidenote I feel compelled to give: I will never claim to speak for my ADHD \"cousins\" – their challenges in this world are manifest, as are their strengths. I've witnessed their struggles from \"outside\" their experiences, but we are joined in a struggle to \"fit in\", to be \"normal\", to conform.
While I envy the possible pharmacological easing of their \"difference\", I've also heard of railing against how such pharmacological interventions may remove a sense of self. That said, I recognise some ADHDers' experience of freedom from cognitive barriers their medication has brought them.
I leave a more thorough discussion of ADHDers' struggles in an NT world to them – they have their own voice, and I refuse to speak for them here.
Correspondingly, I have come to an understanding over the last year and a half (since I self-diagnosed), that the singular \"spectrum\" is, in fact, several \"spectra\" by which we \"diverge\" from the \"typical\", and, in fact, our expression on those spectra, can be seriously context-driven.
I'll give but one example, in relation to the \"non-verbal\" spectrum.
Those who know me know I am anything but, on the whole, non-verbal. I am happy to verbally, vociferously, expound, (often) loudly, without relent, on any and all matters – political, spiritual, philosophical, typographical, factual – till I'm hoarse.
However, at the first sign of what I consider a stressful (especially emotionally-strained) situation, I will clam up…refuse to engage…withdraw to the point of absolute invisibility.
How do I reconcile my verbosity/non-verbosity? Only in that I respond to my surrounds, and that my response may not gel with the experience of those around me, most especially with that of those who are deemed, or who see themselves as, \"neurotypical\".
So, my world, my expression of me, should only be seen in the context of the moment – and, I will be honest here, this context is driven by my profile on the spectrum, by my experiences in the past, by those who I am in the presence of, by just how the hell I am coping (or not coping) with, and experiencing, this melange, in the moment.
I hope this makes it clear \"what I'm not doing\", so now onto what \"I am doing\".
I am voicing my own experience on the (self-diagnosed) spectrum, as informed by me being (self-diagnosed) PDA (pathological demand avoidant [which I'll go into detail separately]).
Can I also make a sidenote here about \"self-diagnosis\" – I have not once, not a single time, been made to feel \"less\" \"on the spectrum\", or less \"PDA\" by my #ActuallyAutistic family for self-diagnosing – my chosen family has, unstintingly, unrelentlessly, accepted me for not only who I say I am, but, in fact for who I am.
And, while I live in an NT world, I am surrounded by spectrum and ADHD family members and friends, to the point my (mostly [a topic for another post]) \"neurotypical\" significant other (SO) feels bewildered by not understanding those around her. Oh, the irony.
One day, I may relate their closer experience with our wider experience in the world, but today is certainly not the time to challenge them with this insight.
This site/blog is meant to give voice to longform discussions and insights for me, for the moment, my main masto account will be more short form chatter.
I may spin up my own masto instance for Zaxxon, or I may well fold the short- and longform here at zaxxon.bot. The latter certainly has the appeal of simplicity, while a part of me sees benefit from separating immediate/short responses/insight to mastodon and longer form treatments here – I'd love to hear opinions on this.
I welcome you to this individual's journey, and I can only hope it informs your own.
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